Host Suki Krishnan and resident 90 Day therapist Dr. Jason Prendergast explore how a lack of trust is wreaking havoc on the 90 Day couples and share insights on how we can work on building up trust after it’s been lost.
In this episode of 90 Day: The Last Resort Sessions podcast, Host Suki Krishnan and resident 90 Day therapist Dr. Jason Prendergast will find out why the therapists picked a "trust" game as their first couples therapy exercise and explore the damaging impact that lost trust can have on our relationships. From the “hall pass” fiasco to Yara secretly taking birth control pills, Dr. Jason shares his insights on how we can work on building up trust after it’s been lost. Plus, the therapist answers our featured listener letter.
Find episode transcripts here: https://90-day-the-last-resort-sessions.simplecast.com/episodes/the-loss-of-trust
Suki: [00:00:00] You know how that saying goes. What they don't know won't hurt them, except it can, and it does secrets, hidden truths, whatever you want to call it. We're talking about it on 90 day, the last resort sessions. I'm your host who? Kanye Krishnan, but you can call me Suki. You know, things are heating up at the resort.
And not in the way you'd hope as part of their therapy program, the couples go to their first couples exercise and it's based on trust, and it seems like some of our favorites are struggling with the same thing in their relationships, the breaching of their partners trust. Dr. Jason Pendergrass from the last resort is back to help us get to the root of it all.
Trust the foundation, the importance and why it's imperative for couples for any couple to fortify that it's not only a way to keep their relationships healthy. I. But also secure. [00:01:00] Dr. Jason Pendergrass has a unique background. He's an ordained minister and a faith-based counselor first, who then pivoted to the clinical therapy side.
Dr. Jason, how are you? Nice to have you
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Suki. I'm doing amazing. Thank you so much for having me. Really looking forward to our conversation today.
Suki: So when it comes to working through the lessons of trust, walk me through the core elements that actually led to having trust in a relationship.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Well, you think about anything that's built, you think about its foundation.
As you build a good foundation, it can stand the elements, uh, the test of time. Uh, when you think of a vehicle, the frame is probably the most important part of the vehicle. If you've ever been in an accident before mm-hmm. And you damaged a part of the vehicle, well the vehicle's probably not a total loss, but when you damage that frame, nah, that's a whole nother issue.
So I look at trust as that foundation, uh, as you build upon, and that framework that needs to be instilled in within a relationship. And, uh, you know, the lack of trust in a relationship can amount to many problems within a relationship.
Suki: Yeah. [00:02:00] Now, therapists are not, anyone can tell you how important honesty and transparency is in a relationship.
Everyone deserves the truth. Even if it hurts, but sometimes people need a little help getting to the hard part, revealing a secret to their partner. Now, during a couples therapy exercise, Yara had something to break to Ajovy and she really didn't know how to do it. I want you to take a listen to this clip and then, uh, we'll get your reaction.
Dr. Jason.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Well, now I have something to tell. What? I hide. Something behind your back. I know. I'm nervous. What are you about to tell me? I'm nervous, so I gonna cry right
Suki: now. So you can almost hear her anxiety and you know, she's getting the courage and he's nervous to figure out what the heck she's been hiding from him.
So it, it feels like a mental rollercoaster right now. I.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Well, first of all, let, let's give Yara uh, credit for revealing this information. You know, the, the timing of it does matter, but the, the [00:03:00] relevance or the importance of actually sharing this information with your partner, I think is so important that you actually get to talk about this.
Um, two things might be happening with with Yara. The hesitation or the fear might come from a fear of rejection. The fact that she may say something that Jovi may reject her for saying that fear of rejection can be developed from childhood. It could be from past relationships, past experiences that kind of make you a little wary to share that information and, and being a therapist.
And one of the major issues when we deal with couples or individuals is that fear of rejection and the tendency to behave in a certain manner. To prevent rejection from happening to you. Another thing is the fear of confrontation. So if Jovi has responded in a way before that, Yara might be a little worried about, she might be afraid of that confrontation of that moment actually happening where it could lead into something else.
Suki: Yeah, and you know, Jovi kind of controls the purse strings and you know, sometimes when there's not that economical equity in a relationship, [00:04:00] it sometimes plays out that the person with the money sometimes has the power. Do you think that's playing out possibly.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: It could be very well, uh, what you said is very true.
We do see a dynamic with the person who's controlling the finances normally has more of a controlling demeanor or attitude towards the relationship. So yeah, we could be very well seeing that at play right now.
Suki: Yeah. Yaron Jovi had been together for quite some time, and I'm interested to know what pattern in their relationship led up to this moment where she felt the need to not only hide something from him, but then feel really nervous about telling him
Dr. Jason Prendergast: something.
Well, the control aspect I think is really important to, to really look at the fact that she feels controlled. She's in another country, she's raising a child. Uh, there are issues right now between them because jovi's away on work a lot and a lot of the burden falls on her. So she's in a situation right now where she's kind of screaming for help.
She's trying to find her voice and find her way, and still be a mom. That definitely could lead up to her, uh, making the decision to keep this information from him. And
Suki: also the fact that she's here by herself, right? You know, [00:05:00] you don't have that family system. She's so close to her mom and she misses her European life, and I think that we need to have compassion that she left everything for him.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Yeah, I, I think it's very important to understand their why, and you know, as you're going through the process of trying to heal from keeping a secret, the person who feels offended needs to understand and listen to the person's why, and it makes sense to me. You know, why Thera decided to keep that information, what I have liked her to share before.
Absolutely.
Suki: Yeah. Yeah. What are some of the common reasons why people feel the need to keep a secret from their partner?
Dr. Jason Prendergast: I guess it's the fear of the reaction, how they may take the information. Unfortunately, we just don't look at individual situations. They carry over. So there might be a situation in the future.
Now you're gonna question this. Well, if you lied to me about this, if you kept this a secret for me in the past, how do I know you're being forthcoming right now in the future? So I think the fear of that definitely is a big part of it, and a lot of it is the past. What kind of environment did they come [00:06:00] from?
You know, what? What happened to them in past relationships that maybe there's a fear of confronting because of how that person responded? Are
Suki: we shaped by how we are taught to love when we were young? You know, if our parents sometimes gave us consequences when we didn't behave or do something that was expected, do we then play out those roles as adults outta curiosity?
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Absolutely 1000%. Uh, we are a product of our past, uh, the relationship with our parents. Our first experience with anything emotional, any, any type of love or rejection, most likely came from a family member, whether it was a sibling, whether it was a mom or dad, a grandparent. So we were conditioned from a young age and we see that play out today.
When we work with couples. We're not just dealing with issues they're dealing with now, we're dealing with their past issues. Um, one of the most important things to do is to also work with couples individually to understand. Where are they coming from? What is their attachment style? You know, how did they develop this perception of what a relationship is supposed to be?
So we have to look at the past to really deal with the future in, in the present.
Suki: Yeah, [00:07:00] attachment style is definitely really important because, you know, I, I was raised with that. Be just be a good girl, don't disappoint anybody. And so you have all these like expectations in these parameters on how to live your life.
And so you, yourself, as a young person, don't know anything about boundaries. And I feel like boundaries. Are something that we all need. Especially, you know, if we bring it back to ya and Jovi, I think that's something that we can take from this 90 day
Dr. Jason Prendergast: couple. Yeah, boundaries are really awesome in a relationship.
I think it really kind of builds to that foundation we spoke about earlier. The cool thing about boundaries is they can be established at any point. Okay? If you, if you made the mistake and you didn't establish boundaries in the beginning, you still have time to work on it. Once a couple decides collectively that we're going to instill boundaries, you can start the process to, uh, To implement them in the relationship.
Suki: Yeah, and that takes a lot of courage, right? Yeah. Because you know, within establishing boundaries, you have to have courage within yourself to know that ultimately, even though we're gonna experience some pain, as we set [00:08:00] these guidelines and walls and boundaries up, it's just gonna lead us to a better place the next time we have conversations.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Absolutely. In addition to that vulnerability, Is is huge. Oh, yeah. Uh, in these situations to be vulnerable, to allow yourself to, to feel hurt or to feel the pain, and to be open and honest. You know, I think once couples move into that space of vulnerability, you see their relationship progress. You see, uh, more of a harmonic kind of energy between the couples.
So vulnerability I think is really important as well as courage, as you mentioned. Yeah.
Suki: Finding that safe space where you can like be able to project whatever emotion you wanna project. Right.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: And uh, I think it goes back to that attachment style. One of the attachment styles is avoidant attachment style.
Oh. And you see how people put barriers to avoid moving into a secure attachment with their mate. So, you know, that's developed through childhood, that's developed through our teenage years and it really impacts us today.
Suki: I'm curious. Attachment style, you know, like I always experience being [00:09:00] shut down.
Mm-hmm. And you know how you just get that wall up and you're like, okay, okay, I enough. And you walk away. Yeah. So you like emotionally detach yourself.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Yeah. And we see that play out with couples. We see, uh, individuals saying, this person doesn't communicate. A lot of women say they're, they're guys are emotionally detached, but it's really the attachment style that's the issue.
They have an avoidant attachment style. And until you identify that, And become aware of that, you will never move from that space because this is foundational. This is at the core of who you are. This is how you form relationships. And if you see a pattern of your life where you have good relationships, but you keep a little wall between them, you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable with these individuals.
It might be because you have that certain avoidant attachment style, but
Suki: the good news is it can be fixed and it can be fixed through therapy. And just really talking it out, it definitely can be fixed. Alright, Dr. Jason giving us all hope, uh, in a bit. We get into the meat of Yaras Secret so you don't
Dr. Jason Prendergast: trust me and I have a reason for you.
Don't trust me right now [00:10:00] because now you always talking to have a second baby and uh, I always tell you I'm not ready. Just know the time.
Suki: We also get into the aftermath and here from one of our listeners who might be going through some of the same issues. I'm Suya Krishnan, and this is night day. The last resort sessions we're gonna be back.
I am Suya Krishnan. You can call me Suki. And this is 90 Day The Last Resort Sessions. Are Keeping Secrets selfish or is it Self-preservation? 90 day resident therapist, Dr. Jason Pendergrass gives us some clarity into what's really going on Before the break, Yara had some news to share with Jovi. Let's take a listen.
So ya
Dr. Jason Prendergast: you always talking to have a second baby. And, uh, I always tell you I'm not ready. Just know the time and I've been hiding from you. I've been taking the birth control and I didn't
Suki: tell you about that. [00:11:00] Talk about dropping the bomb. Uh, Dr. Jason, she just dropped a big bomb about having a second baby.
I mean, she's not ready to really talk about it, but she's hiding something. The fact that she's taking birth control, that's a big thing to hide in a
Dr. Jason Prendergast: marriage. One thing about this couple, Yara and Jovi, first of all, they're amazing. Uh, you gotta, you just gotta love their energy. They have a real foundation, like every couple, they have issues to work through.
But yeah, this was pretty interesting when she mentioned this information and seeing Jovi's response, right? But also the nervousness, the, the hesitation to really just let it out. But once again, Give her credit for getting it out would've been better sooner, but we'll take it at this point.
Suki: Listen, it's a lot of stress to have a child.
Uh, we know how that plays out. This is a young couple who's getting their footing in the ground. You know, you've got a person who moved here to this country who doesn't necessarily have a system, a structure, a mom, a dad who she can maybe rely on. So, you know, jovi's her everything.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: I think the [00:12:00] support system plays a big part into it.
We might not be having this conversation. If Yara had a better support system. Yeah. If she had people she could depend on. Rely on to help her with the demands of being a mom. Also, you know, Jovi being away a lot is a big part of it. It's something that she talks about quite a bit.
Suki: I. And what's Jovi's part
Dr. Jason Prendergast: in all of this huge part.
Yes. We know he's upset. Yes, he's shocked that she kept this information, but once he starts to process this to move to the place of healing, well, at that point, both individuals have to take accountability. Well, okay. I, I may have contributed to this, uh, me being away, me wanting to have another kid not realizing she doesn't have a support system, helping her build that support system.
You
Suki: know, he's going to work, he's providing a background, he's providing for his family, but within that, Framework. He's got to have some accountability too. What are your thoughts on that,
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Dr. Jason? Oh, Suki Suki. You could not be more correct. I think that is going to lead them to a place of moving forward and, uh, moving past the situation.
The faster that he can get to that [00:13:00] place, the better. But, you know, we gotta give 'em time. There's a grieving process for everything, really, any sense of loss. There's a grieving process, and one thing you never want to do is rush somebody through that process. So I, I do expect Jovi to get to the place where he's looking at her side of the story and help her to ultimately make the decision to be ready to have that, you know, that second child.
Suki: Is there ever a good time to disclose a secret to your partner? You know, like, how can you cultivate a healthy environment? To do so,
Dr. Jason Prendergast: I think the environment is the key and I think a lot of individuals are careful about sharing information if the environment is not healthy, if there's already toxicity, if there's already issues, domestic issues arguing all the time, well, you can pretty well bet that this is gonna lead to some type of heated argument.
So I think surveying the land, surveying the atmosphere is important. Ultimately, the best time to do it is as soon as possible, deal with it, nip it in the bud, and start the process to move forward. Because we
Suki: all know the longer you let a, a wound fester, it just doesn't lead to a good outcome. I always think some [00:14:00] secrets are much more damaging.
Than others.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Yeah, just working as a marriage therapist and a, and a counselor, the number of cases that involve infidelity, um, are just skyrocketing. And in my experience, that is one of the hardest things to recover from. It destroys the foundation, you know, uh, a relationship is built on pillars and what an infidelity does, it just destroys those pillars.
So you have to rebuild each one at a time. But one of the biggest impacts to infidelity and, and the lack of trust, Is what it does to the self-esteem of the person who's been offended. They start comparing themselves unnecessarily. They start questioning themselves. They have to go inward. So, uh, part of the healing process is not only between a couple, but that individual who's been offended to start the healing process within.
Suki: I like that because, uh, you need to start showing signs that you can regain trust, right? Absolutely. With a lot of our 90 day couples, they're resilient. They kind of figure it [00:15:00] out. They work it out, and they go through the process and allow us to learn from some of their
Dr. Jason Prendergast: mistakes. And that process is not a sprint, it's a marathon at times.
It takes time, a
Suki: marathon and not a sprint. So I completely agree with you, Dr. Jason. You know what? Yara dropped a bomb on Jovi. There's no denying it. You know she's taking birth control without him knowing because she's not ready for a child right now. Well, you can imagine Jovi has a lot to say about this revelation.
Listen to this. Why
Dr. Jason Prendergast: would you not tell me that? I feel like that's something we should discuss instead of you going behind my back to do it. I was just thinking that it's better for you gonna be mad on me than I gonna get pregnant and bring the baby to the world for not this healthy situation, but like you think that I'm gonna try to get you pregnant without like Yeah.
Having that plan together. Yeah, because that's what you say, that you wanna have a baby. I do wanna have a baby, but I'm not gonna intentionally get you pregnant when you don't wanna be
Suki: pregnant.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: I know you right. If you want something, you're gonna go [00:16:00] to the end to
Suki: not get it. There's a lot to unpack with that.
Where do we begin? Because there was a couple of things that were said that stuck out in my mind. What stuck out in your mind?
Dr. Jason Prendergast: His reaction is, is a good identifier that he's definitely hurt by her secret. The first thing Jovi said is behind my back. I think that jumped out at me. You could tell he feels some sense of betrayal going behind my back, you know, doing things without my knowledge.
We're married, I. We're not supposed to be on that level. We're supposed to be on a level where we can communicate. There's trust already established. So that kind of questions the level of trust that's really there within a relationship. Maybe there might be some other instances in the past that have contributed to what's happening now.
It might not just be about the situation. It might identify that, uh oh, there's some other issues that maybe went unresolved in their
Suki: relationship. Yeah, I feel like you're an immigrant. You come to this country and you don't have anybody else that's really yours. It, it makes you uneasy. Like, you know, you don't have a support system.
And I think a lot of people need to understand that. You know, a [00:17:00] 90 day fiance, we see a lot of people immigrating and coming, going to other countries, and you really gotta understand when you go there, you're, you're on your own, you're on your own.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: And I think, you know, sometimes you just wanna keep the peace.
Yeah. You just wanna go with the flow, right? You don't speak up, you don't, you don't speak your truth. And here the truth will always find its own voice. And this is a situation where this was bound to come out and it's probably been eating at her for some time now. And finally she felt safe enough to respond.
You know, I, I think his reaction was, um, a little tame. I think it could have been, uh, a little bit more. Hostile if, if, you know, but So you don't think he was gaslighting her? Mm, I don't think so. I really think he was sharing his true feelings about it. Um, you know, he really felt a little betrayed there.
Like, Hey, you can tell me anything. You know, Jovi's probably thinking they had that level of trust and understanding, but once again, he's not looking at it from her perspective. Like, once I'm by myself, I don't have a support system, I'm struggling already. Why would I bring another child into that situation to [00:18:00] struggle more?
But once again, I think once he takes accountability and she explains her why it makes sense, it really makes sense. I mean, it'll be to Jovi's benefit to bring another child into a more perfect, healthier situation. The child will have a better environment to thrive in. They will be happier as a couple.
So it's a win-win for both couples to make sure the environment is, is is right, the
Suki: environment is right. For their first child and then bring in their next child. Absolutely. You know, Yara Jovi having different feelings about having kids. You know, I feel like that's gotta be one of the biggest issue that married couples face.
When are we gonna have kids? Are we gonna have this conversation? Do we want a second kid? Do we want a third kid? I mean, all of these things. Is that one of the biggest challenges and the biggest issues that married couples face?
Dr. Jason Prendergast: It's definitely one of the biggest, um, there, there are so many challenges right now.
Couples are facing, like, it's hard to really rank them, but when you think about that, you know what, it comes back to communication, poor communication style, poor communication skills does not allow that environment where you can speak about things, where you can say, [00:19:00] Hey, I don't think this is the right time for me.
Couples are very fearful of how the other person's gonna react and respond, and because of that, they may hold things in and just kind of go at the flow. So what
Suki: are some of the ways in which couples can start rebuilding trust after a secret is revealed? Practice forgiveness. Ooh, that's tough.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Yeah, that's tough.
And, and one way you can practice forgiveness is go outside of the relationship. Look at some past relationships. Forgiveness is not about that person. It's about you releasing that energy, releasing that feeling for retribution. So start forgiving yourself for those situations. Another thing we talked about earlier is the vulnerability part.
Mm-hmm. You know, start to be okay with being vulnerable. You don't have to be vulnerable with everybody, but with your spouse, with your mate. Yeah. Yeah. You have that space, you have that ability to be vulnerable and you should be able to be vulnerable with your spouse. Forgiveness is a very difficult one to move, but I think that's something that couples need to eventually, um, find the space to
Suki: do that.
Yeah, you gotta be transparent. [00:20:00] I also think like you have to show interest, right? Show interest in, in how they're feeling at that moment. You know, be empathetic to what they're going through. Can that help also rebuild
Dr. Jason Prendergast: trust? I think you just hit the nail on the head Suki and that's to basically validate their feelings.
Yeah. Validate what they're feeling. You may not agree with it, but you have to validate what your partner's feeling by saying, you know what? I hear you. I'm sorry you feel that way and then speak your truth, but it, it has to start there. You gotta validate your
Suki: feelings and I think that's something I've learned over and over again.
Role playing. Right? What does that role play thing? This is what I hear you say. What does that do? Help me with that.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: I. You, you sound like you could be a therapist Suki. No, I'm not. Um, yeah, that's, that's active listening. Active listening, yeah. And uh, the active listening part is where you mirror back what's heard and, and you said role playing.
These are actual exercises that we help couples with in session, and I like to do a more or less, Type of statement where you think of [00:21:00] something you want more or less of in the relationship, and you use a I statement. So there's an assertiveness part where you say, I would like more blank because it'll make me feel this way, and it's mirrored back to you by the other person saying, okay, what I heard you say is you would like more blank because it'll make you feel this way.
You can practice this once a day. If you start to develop this form of communication, your relationship is gonna blow up. I mean, not, not blow up in a bad way. It's gonna, it's gonna become, it's gonna become much better. And the communication is gonna thrive.
Suki: It's gonna blow up. It's gonna glow up. You're gonna like, it's gonna glow up, right?
It's gonna be fantastic. It's gonna be fantastic. And also, I think this is human nature and I've learned that you gotta judge less. You know, whether it's friendships, whether it's something at work, whether it's your relationship in itself. Once you judge less, life just gets better.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: I totally agree with that.
We gotta be less judgemental, but that, that's a process in itself. You know, once again, I look at what has caused somebody to be judgemental and, uh, somebody [00:22:00] who's been criticized their life. You know, maybe there's a foundation where your parents are really hard on you, and, you know, just really built that defensiveness within you.
And you look at somebody who's judgemental. There's also a, a area of defensiveness if you try to tell somebody who's judgemental about themselves, you'll see that defensiveness pop up all the time.
Suki: Yeah. I think that's something that we can all learn in our relationships and bring it to practice really to listen more, judge less, and to forgive.
Alright. Dr. Jason, to piggyback off what you just shared with us, we have a listener who's really struggling with trusting themselves and needs help coming out on the other side. Let's hear what they have to say. Hi, this is
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Gregory and I was calling because while my husband and I have a great solid marriage, I struggle with intense grief.
I came out four years ago after almost 30 years of gay conversion aversion and reparative therapy. [00:23:00] I did a lot of crazy things to become heterosexual. One of my therapists even had me sniffing dog crap, uh, while looking at pictures of men. Um, so I'm kind of messed up from all that. But when I eventually came out, I lost my church.
I lost most of my close friends, and eventually all three. So while I'm very much glad I met and married my husband, sometimes my compartmentalized grief is difficult on him, and it's difficult on my ability to be present. So I just need some advice as how to live happily with him while I struggle to get over the loss of my boys.
Suki: Thank you. Wow. Okay. There's a lot to unpack. First of all, thank you so much for sharing that letter, uh, and sharing your experience with us. It took a lot of courage to do that, and we're happy you're on the other side. Uh, I wanna put that out there, but Dr. Jason. Where do we start with that?
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Well, there's a component [00:24:00] there of faith that you just can't get around.
I'm sorry that Greg had to go through that. Mm-hmm. Where people just turn their back on him and, you know, being a man of faith, one thing we preach is, is understanding for everybody. A lot of times I look at my fellow believers and I'm disappointed in the way they treat one another. The way that once they find out you have.
Chosen a certain lifestyle, all of a sudden, you know, we can't deal with you. And that's, that's very disappointing because you can now hear the grief, you can hear it in his voice. Yeah. And what he's going through. So my heart goes out to Greg and I, I just want to commend Greg for finding the courage to speak his truth, to let it be known.
I've been in that situation numerous times. I've had mothers and fathers who are Christian or you know, some type of faith. Send their kid to me because they know I have a faith-based background and they tell me, can you fix my kid? And I tell 'em, no, I'm going to support your kid through this process and as they go through [00:25:00] this process, I'm going to help 'em in any way.
And you have to leave it up to them. And what we see a lot of times is people come back around initially, there's that initial rejection and it hurts because these are people you love. He's talking about his sons. And we do a lot of situations where, People who have rejected individuals based off their lifestyle, hopefully see the light of day where they come back and say, you know what?
I'm sorry. What if
Suki: you're not a believer? What happens when you feel ostracized from anything like your local church or political affiliation because of what's happening to you personally?
Dr. Jason Prendergast: That's a great question. Suki and being ostracized is just another way of saying being rejected. And rejection can come from anyone.
It can come from a stranger, it can come from a teacher, it can come from a, a coach, a parent, a grandparent, a sibling. I. It can come from anywhere and rejection can come from yourself. Sometimes we reject ourselves, so regardless of where it's coming from, one of the things that can offset [00:26:00] rejection is resiliency to become more resilient.
So somebody who's going through that situation, there's a few things that you can do to become more resilient. One is to remember the past. Remember your past achievements, but not only your past achievements. Remember, The times that you overcame. We all went through situations where we felt like the world was coming to an end.
We didn't know how we're gonna make it out this situation. We didn't know if we're gonna see another tomorrow, but we did. So reflect on those members. Reflect on those moments to help you identify that, you know what, I'm already resilient. I've overcome so much already. And that is the mindset you need to go into moving.
Into a better place in the future. Self-care is so important down to your personal hygiene. Make sure you're eating as many healthy meals as possible. Make sure you're taking care of your physical body. You're drinking enough water, you're getting sunlight. Set some goals. I tell individuals, just get a piece of paper and write down every single goal, even if they're out of reach, even if there's goals that you just never really think you could achieve.
Put 'em down on paper, start to build a list of goals and, and find ways to achieve them. And [00:27:00] uh, another thing I would definitely say is to be proactive. Go after life. Try to find something that motivates you. Once again, what we're trying to overcome is the rejection and the best way to deal with rejection is to become more resilient or identify the actual resilience that you have from within already from your past experiences.
Suki: Gregory said that his ex turned his three sons away from me. Now the children are used as sort of pawns in this relationship. That's gotta be so difficult. Is there a way that Gregory can rebuild that relationship with his sons? I.
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Just stay true to his role as a father? Yeah. To make sure he's fulfilling his roles.
He's there, he's showing up, he's involved. Uh, he's not using the, the rejection as a wall, uh, communicate with them. The kids will see eventually the heart of their dad. Don't give up and don't get discouraged
Suki: and just find the joy again in his own relationship. With the person who loves him and who's there to help him, right?
Dr. Jason Prendergast: Absolutely. [00:28:00] Suki. Find a support team. Support system. There are a lot of individuals going through the same situation. Uh, you can find support groups online, people you can talk to, you can find a community that can really support and help you get through the situation. Um, he might feel like a man on the island right now because all these people have rejected him.
So build a bigger island. Build a new island. And if I just may add one thing, Greg. May have just empowered somebody else through that question to speak their truth, you know, to build their foundation and to live their best life. So Greg, thank you for helping somebody out, uh, through your question.
Suki: Alright. As we know, the road to relationship happiness is really paved with self-awareness and we really unpack that today. You gotta work on yourself, Dr. Jannie Lacey is gonna be back with us next time to explain how. Being selfish can actually lead to better patterns in your relationship. [00:29:00] Dr. Jason, thank you so much.
The 90 Day last Resort sessions is produced by T L C and Sony Music Entertainment, T L C and W B D. Executive producers are Cameron Curtis and Margaret Kelly. The executive producers are Sarita Wesley. Jasmine Henley Brown. Our senior producer is Medina Purana, and our producer for this episode is Samara Langa, and our associate producer is Jade Abdul Malik Engineering is done by Sam Baer and our production manager is Tamika Balance Kni.
Till next time, everybody, I'm Su Kania Krishna. You can call me Suki. And this has been 90 day the last resort sessions.